I’m back in the chastity device again, at the suggestion of, who else, The Princess. This time around I’m getting more and more worked up about it as the days go by. This is day three, and I have waves of horniness and frustration washing over me.
The bad part is when I think about her control of my cock: that just serves to make me horny, which in turn makes me begin to get hard, which of course doesn’t really happen because of the chastity device. So her control is made once more apparent to me, which makes me feel more submissive, which is hot and which starts the cycle all over again.
Chastity is very strange for me. It’s an amalgam of the physical and the psychological. It incorporates things that I find very hot as a dominant: namely orgasm control and also control at a distance. It is also strange how conscious it makes me of my dick. Most of the time I walk around without giving it a thought. But when the possibility of getting off is taken away, and I feel the weight of the device, as well as the shifts of the little brass lock that keeps it closed, all of my attention seems to focus on my crotch.
Hopefully there are just a couple more days of this to go: we’re going to a play weekend in Boston this Friday with The Husband and The Wife., and while I suspect that I’m going to be teased for a while at that event, I’m hoping that I won’t be kept locked up all the way through. In the mean time I’ll just deal with the ongoing rushes of distraction and frustration, and think about non-sexual things, like uh………
Uh-oh
I’m uncomfortable with most of the standard trappings of D/s or M/s relationships in the scene. I’m too much of a curmudgeon to feel like one set of precepts is going to provide me with all the answers in my life sexually or otherwise (note to self: change name of blog to the Sexy Curmudgeon?). I tend to scoff at high protocol people, and most of the people I play with do the same. Which is not to say that I would break in on someone’s scene or disregard their collar or adress them without finding if it’s ok; I understand that for many people those structures are very important and pleasurable and not to be messed with. To do so is simply rude. In fact I may err on the other side: I have someone who’s seems to be flirting with me pretty heavily while being identified openly as being collared to someone else, and I’m trying to make sure there’s a lot of clarification before I move beyond the “I’m flattered, thanks for expressing interest” mode.
But these days, I’m turned on more and more by submission.
I should say that this is with specific people and in specific contexts. The Princess and I have a great thing going right now where our age-play is getting mixed up in our switching so that one time I’m the trailer-trash sinister guy who locks girls up in his shed out back, and other times she’s the spoiled girl who bosses daddy around and makes him do embarrassing things. We’ve done a couple of periods of time where I’ve simply been wearing her collar and at her disposal.
Of course I’ve always been submissive to Stan, but we’ve never done an extended exploration of that dynamic. And he’s got a genuine slave these days, so there probably won’t be many chances to try it out. He tends to be more of a purist in these matters than I am.
I’ve also been exploring hypnosis with someone I’m going to call Circe here. It’s interesting because she was probably 90% sub when we met, but now that she’s doing hypno stuff she does it more and more as a Dom. We’ve been exploring scenarios where I’m her pet, her plaything, my mind and will being molded to her liking. I’m amazed at how well it works, and how hot it is. When I’m around her I find myself dropping into a submissive attitude that “just feels right”, unable to tell how much of it is just me and how much is her conditioning.
And lately I’ve been coming back around to fantasies that involve The Princess and chastity. A couple of weekends ago she locked my cock up in a metal device as part of a punishment for letting her down in a scene. I wore it for most of the day until it started slipping off, much to my annoyance. And now I find myself checking out sites that sell other kinds of devices, hopefully ones that I can wear for longer periods. I don’t know what it is about the combination of submission and chastity that is setting me off these days, except that in the midst of it I feel her power all the more clearly.
Power. That’s an interesting one because I’m suspicious of all power manipulations and usually my sexuality has revolved around sensation, BDSM has been about my body exploring its extremes of pleasure and pain, not about power. I’m wondering now if its the fact that I’m confronting the extent of the power that I do have out in the mundane world that makes me more eager to give up that power through submissiveness in my sexual life. It’s a simplistic equation perhaps, but I’ve come to know that my animal brain isn’t as sophisticated as I’d like it to be.
I don’t think I’m going to end up as a full bore submissive, mostly because I have too much fun scrambling things up. But I like the idea of wearing that identity a bit more fully for now.
I really wouldn’t have thought it would matter all that much. But today I am three times horny horny horny, and the temptation to go to the bathroom and drop a quick load is making me fidget at my office desk. It doesn’t help that the Princess is of course taunting me, now that she’s really gotten into the idea of controlling my orgasm. In the midst of one of our exchanges I said to her “at least it’s a short wait, ” to which she shot back “How do you know when it’s going to end?” That shut me up fast. She’s clever that one. And she has really sexy feet, which hopefully I’ll be worshiping this weekend… see, there I go again.
It is interesting to me that doing this has increased my feelings of submissiveness to her. Or rather that I find my submissiveness to her more arousing. In fact all images of submissiveness, of being controlled are a bit more hot button for me right now. A friend writes about how he’ll be serving a mutual friend at MAL, and I’m hard the second I read the words.
Hopefully it’s just a day or two more to go.
A busy day, but at the end of it I got a message from The Princess asking if I had cum yet. Of course I hadn’t. So she let me know officially that I couldn’t. I wasn’t thinking much about it until then, but as soon as the order was issued, I began to. She told me that she’d decided that it would be “fun” to deny me the release. It’s now been three days since I last came.
So now the clock is running. And I am sitting here with a hardon that I can’t do anything with. And three days of work to get through.
The Princess and I are rolling around in bed when the door to my apartment opens. It’s the cleaning lady and before she can turn the corner, I’m already yelling, suggesting that she come back in a little bit, like forty-five minutes or so. She takes my suggestion and backs out, leaving the Princess and I giggling on top of each other. Without much time, I move to get up to get dressed, and when I do, my hand brushes the inside of her thigh. She quickly clamps her legs together, trapping my hand with another little giggle.
I couldn’t resist; sliding my hand up, I found her cunt and slipped a finger inside. A few strokes and she was breathing heavily. Her hand found my cock, already hard. I quickened my pace and reached over to the nightstand. A couple of seconds later I had the Hitachi pressed up against her clit. She grabbed it out of my hand and went to work on herself. I got two fingers deep in her and felt her pussy spasming around them.
She cums loud sometimes, and this was one of those times: deep groans that had me worried about my landlord downstairs and checking the clock for the immanent return of the cleaning lady. When she finished my hand was drenched. With a sly look she reached again for my dick. I wanted badly to finish, and her hand felt perfect, but then I saw the clock again: there really wasn’t enough time.
With a groan I pulled back, rolled off the bed and grabbed for my pants. By now the Princess was lolling back on the pillows with a big grin on her face “Guess you can’t cum. I’d say I was sorry but I got mine.” I was a little pissed. “Too bad! You’ll just have to hold it.” I was dressed and the cleaning lady was back at the door. There was just enough time to get the vibrator put away and to rearrange the sheets.
We went out for brunch and for the rest of the day she taunted me with talk of chastity. We’re off to party this weekend, and a few references were made to me having to wait until then. I can’t say that I’m not intrigued. Even though we switch, it’s generally a good policy for me to do what ever she tells me. So even though nothing was spelled out explicitly, I’ve been keeping my hands to myself for the last couple of days.